Refining Fire

I am a work in progress.  Pieces of a human.

Made whole only by Grace and love.

In my immature years, it was easy to believe that the world I lived in 

revolved around ME.

What mattered to me, how people treated me, what I wanted.

It was a thick wall of muck, lies and stubbornness

that kept me locked 'safely' in my world.

Naturally, it would take a lot to "tear down this wall".

A. LOT.

re·fine

 [ri-fahyn]  Show IPA verb, re·fined, re·fin·ing.

verb (used with object)

1.

to bring to a fine or a pure state; free from impurities: to refine metal, sugar, or petroleum.

2.

to purify from what is coarse, vulgar, or debasing; make elegant or cultured.

3.

to bring to a finer state or form by purifying.

4.

to make more fine, subtle, or precise: to refine one's writing style.

verb (used without object)

5.

to become pure.

6.

to become more fine, elegant, or polished.

7.

to make fine distinctions in thought or language.

Trapped behind walls made of busyness, selfishness,

marriage, parenting, financial issues, decorating, school.

Each one was a blessing in and of itself - as the walls were being built,

while I was willfully ignoring the Lord, He remained faithful.

He used all of the impurities I was latching on to

and used them to fulfill His purpose.

He used the church I half-heartedly attended to

bring some of the most meaningful relationships to my life.

He used the unanswered prayers of a growing family

to spotlight the gifts he DID give.

When our daughter was misunderstood by many

of her peers and teachers, we were able

to (*finally*) be obedient and homeschool her.

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer,

we were able to see the blessings and shift the focus from

ourselves to Him.

He used a move from a life that seemed to

just be getting established to a familiar hometown 

with renewed friendships and a new church

with a deep faith and new relationships.

refine  (rɪˈfaɪn)
— vb  (often foll by out )
1.	to make or become free from impurities, sediment, or other foreign matter; purify
2.	( tr ) to separate (a mixture) into pure constituents, as in an oil refinery
3.	to make or become free from coarse characteristics; make or become elegant or polished
4.	to remove (something impure or extraneous)
5.	( intr ; often foll by  on or  upon ) to enlarge or improve (upon) by making subtle or fine distinctions
6.	( tr ) to make (language) more subtle or polished

I am not worthy of His continued faithfulness

and blessings in my brokenness.

But knowing that he uses the broken as the

vehicle of His will makes me excited

and anxious for what lies ahead.

There is a lot of refining left to do.

Now I'm at a point where I can look over the walls,

through the hedges and His light is shining through.

His light is now able to penetrate to my heart,

which is ready and willing to see

what His purpose has next.