Two years old ~

Two years ago, a word entered into our life

that one can never be prepared for:

Cancer.

We were then introduced to more (equally scary) words:

Chronic Myeloid Leukemia.

My husband was diagnosed after 

discovering his white blood cell levels were way too high

for his 'routine' appendicitis.

What we know now is how blessed we were for

the appendicitis, and the doctors we were

surrounded by then and now.

The Lord has his plans, and they seem to be

different enough from ours that we are

constantly surprised by how He uses the broken for His glory.

These past two years have been an adventure for our family.

Nothing has come close to the low one feels

after hearing their dear one has been hit with the cancer stick,

but since we have relied on the Lord through this

process, we have been able to see His hand

at work at all times.

We know that over these last two years, He has been grooming us.

We have really solidified our little family unit,

we have learned to lean on Him in ALL,

and we have found that our frequency to His calling(s)

resonates clearly for us when we are prayerful.

We have been able to give up on our small dreams

in exchange for His big plans.

We have been able to take news of friends and family

in difficult situations in a very peaceful and prayerful way.

We are able to see how He uses the 

ugly, sin, disease, and brokenness

for HIS glory and how we get to play a role in that.

It is a privilege to be called a child of God,

the Heavenly Father whom cares about the details in our lives.

We can now praise the Lord for this cancer diagnosis.

Thank you for the medicine that is working so well,

we pray that it continues to work as well.

Thank you for the doctors that we are able to interact with,

blessed with such brains and bedside manner only

an Intelligent Creator could create.

Thank you for the perspective that we are able to

have and rest in the comfort of His plan and control of our lives.

Thank you, God for my husband.

I cherish his passion for providing for our family

in a very difficult business with high pressure and high expectations.

I adore his deep love for our family and big arms to wrap around us.

I honor his commitment to being a man of God

with integrity, honor and chivalry that is not often praised in this society.

I love him so much, Lord.

Those words seem so shallow compared to the depth of the reality.

I thank you for introducing him to me when I was 14.

I thank you that our relationship was built on a solid foundation

of friendship and growth.

I pray that we continue grow very old together blessed

with watching our grand babies have babies

leaving a legacy of Your love behind

for generations to come.

Amen.

Bumps, bruises & badges

I was in a heartfelt conversation with my cousin

the other day and we were discussing

how hard life is sometimes.

(typical)

Looking at another person's life

through our own vantage point is Satan's way of trying our faith.

And it works, nearly every time.

Except this one.

Our conversation took its typical route

but where it ended was different...

The Lord used this conversation we frequently have

(fueled by the evil one)

for His good.

We all have people in our life that always seem to land on their feet.

Receive their innermost prayer.

Have it all together.

And while the Lord may be the One to only know differently,

there are some whose life really isn't a struggle.

It *actually* is an easy life.

And while He doesn't want us to be jealous of these people,

He wants us to learn from them.

Through my quiet time, He pressed upon my heart

what a blessing struggles can be.

Certainly not while you're struggling,

but for who you become BECAUSE of the struggle.

Struggles are like a blister on the skin,

painful, raw and oozing.

But once that temporary pain 

and discomfort go away, what is left is a callus.

A toughened part of the skin that will serve as a shield 

from the elements in the future.

People who are callus-free

will not have a defense against another struggle.

He also impressed upon my heart about

how these calluses bear testimony.

I have this great vision of Heaven:

we are all huddled around each other comparing

our scars, wounds and calluses.

The Lord and His angels are right there with us 

explaining how each trial/bump/bruise/struggle worked for His glory!

They are no longer signs of pain, struggle and trials...

but badges worthy of rejoicing.

We will see how His plan was perfectly woven,

who came to know Jesus because of each trial

of our hearts and lives.

And we will meet them and praise the Lord beside them for all eternity.

What a party it will be!

People who are callus-free

will not have much of a party in Heaven.

Sure!  They'll be there, happy and in perfect peace.

Their party will just look different.

So, while it is Satan's lie to be envious

of those whose life is 'picture perfect' on the outside,

its time we wear our bumps and bruises

like badges of eternal glory.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And if you think you have struggles,

check out the book of Job in the Bible and see what trials

a *blessed man goes through - 

and what blessings come because he remained faithful.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you for my struggles. 

I know that a life with trials, bumps and bruises 

are a part of living.

Thank you for this Christmas season

that we stop and celebrate 

the birth of your one and only son, 

sending Him to Earth as a living sacrifice

so that WE may live with you.

I will be in Heaven 

because of the struggle Jesus went through.

What a joy it will be to celebrate with Him: 

face to face for all eternity.

Amen.

Grateful

Ann Voskamp posted on her Instagram 

this photo that got me thinking:

How am I changing the world 

because I am so grateful?

The Lord has been so patient and faithful to me.

My whole life is a reflection of it.

He has endured my childish temper tantrums, my avoidance,

my pleads and begs by calmly and lovingly

holding on to me while I squirm and squeal and fight the grip of His arms.

He let me go but I was never out of sight.

He would attempt to console me 

but like a teenager, I would screamed at him

"GO AWAY!"

In the most gentle, warm and sweet voice

He would lovingly assure me that He

would *never* go away.

And He hasn't.  

And I've finally come back to Him.

With a renewed sense of purpose and perspective...

With a greater understanding of who He made me to be...

With a clear vision of His plan and the clarity hindsight brings, 

I understand my Heavenly Father.

So, how am I changing the world
because I am so grateful?

I am becoming a better me, a better woman of the Lord

by learning about God's character through His Word, 

strengthening our relationship.

This will make me a better wife, Biblically submitting to my husband

 and loving this man as he needs to be loved.

This will make me a better mother to this gift of a daughter,

training her up in the way she should go:

a disciple of Christ.

This will make me a better friend, prayerfully engaging and

loving friends and family as Jesus loves me.

This will make me a better member of the community,

no longer tunnel visioned in my own

little world, but eyes open - looking for opportunities to serve.

This will make me open to the Lord's will,

trusting that His purpose will prevail whether I'm on board or not.

And when His will prevails, there are blessings.

I am grateful to The Lord, for The Lord,
because of The Lord.

I am grateful we have a day to stop
and think about the blessings
in our life.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Refining Fire

I am a work in progress.  Pieces of a human.

Made whole only by Grace and love.

In my immature years, it was easy to believe that the world I lived in 

revolved around ME.

What mattered to me, how people treated me, what I wanted.

It was a thick wall of muck, lies and stubbornness

that kept me locked 'safely' in my world.

Naturally, it would take a lot to "tear down this wall".

A. LOT.

re·fine

 [ri-fahyn]  Show IPA verb, re·fined, re·fin·ing.

verb (used with object)

1.

to bring to a fine or a pure state; free from impurities: to refine metal, sugar, or petroleum.

2.

to purify from what is coarse, vulgar, or debasing; make elegant or cultured.

3.

to bring to a finer state or form by purifying.

4.

to make more fine, subtle, or precise: to refine one's writing style.

verb (used without object)

5.

to become pure.

6.

to become more fine, elegant, or polished.

7.

to make fine distinctions in thought or language.

Trapped behind walls made of busyness, selfishness,

marriage, parenting, financial issues, decorating, school.

Each one was a blessing in and of itself - as the walls were being built,

while I was willfully ignoring the Lord, He remained faithful.

He used all of the impurities I was latching on to

and used them to fulfill His purpose.

He used the church I half-heartedly attended to

bring some of the most meaningful relationships to my life.

He used the unanswered prayers of a growing family

to spotlight the gifts he DID give.

When our daughter was misunderstood by many

of her peers and teachers, we were able

to (*finally*) be obedient and homeschool her.

When my husband was diagnosed with cancer,

we were able to see the blessings and shift the focus from

ourselves to Him.

He used a move from a life that seemed to

just be getting established to a familiar hometown 

with renewed friendships and a new church

with a deep faith and new relationships.

refine  (rɪˈfaɪn)
— vb  (often foll by out )
1.	to make or become free from impurities, sediment, or other foreign matter; purify
2.	( tr ) to separate (a mixture) into pure constituents, as in an oil refinery
3.	to make or become free from coarse characteristics; make or become elegant or polished
4.	to remove (something impure or extraneous)
5.	( intr ; often foll by  on or  upon ) to enlarge or improve (upon) by making subtle or fine distinctions
6.	( tr ) to make (language) more subtle or polished

I am not worthy of His continued faithfulness

and blessings in my brokenness.

But knowing that he uses the broken as the

vehicle of His will makes me excited

and anxious for what lies ahead.

There is a lot of refining left to do.

Now I'm at a point where I can look over the walls,

through the hedges and His light is shining through.

His light is now able to penetrate to my heart,

which is ready and willing to see

what His purpose has next.

Here I am ~

One of the faithful blessings of the Lord

during my "angst against God" days

was introducing me to profoundly Godly women.

These women have become such amazing

sources of encouragement to me, and feed my soul.

This morning, I woke up to an email from

my dear friend, Lissa.

She has been sharing what has been going on 

in her life and walk with the Lord and

shared with me this verse, 

stating she thought of me when she read it:

1 Peter 1:3-7

Revised Standard Version (RSV)

A Living Hope

3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! By his great mercy we have been born anew to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, 4 and to an inheritance which is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, 5 who by God’s power are guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. 6 In this you rejoice,[a] though now for a little while you may have to suffer various trials, 7 so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

She has been very busy lately that when I told

her about my new blog, it took her a few days for it to register with her.

This morning, she woke up and the Lord brought

this verse to mind and she was very excited to share it with me.

I think she was keyed in on this:

7 so that the genuineness of your faith, more precious than gold which though perishable is tested by fire, may redound to praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.

This is the purpose of this blog.

To share my refining moments through the fires of life.

As this states in verse 3:

By his great mercy we have been born anew to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead

I was made anew in 5th grade when I accepted the Lord

into my heart as my personal Lord & Savior.

However, since then, I've only been taking baby steps

toward any growth and maturity in my

relationship and understanding of this heavenly gift of Grace.

So, when I hit the most major trial in my life: infertility 

{discovered after our first baby, around age 26};

I had 5th grade-faith questions, expecting mature-faith answers.

He was answering me!  But I wasn't able to understand.

Like trying to reason with an infant, talking to them like an adult

will NEVER get them to stop crying.

And that infant was me.

So, here I am.  Refined by the fires of infertility.

Not completely refined - but in a way where

I long and seek for MORE.
More growth, maturity and depth with the Lord.

Knowing that what fires and trials of life come

I will be brought through the other side

a more mature woman of the Lord

with a deeper grasp on the His character.

Bring it on, fire...I'm ready to be refined.

The First Post

nudge

nəj/

verb

verb: nudge; 3rd person present: nudges; past tense: nudged; past participle:nudged; gerund or present participle: nudging

1. 1.

   prod (someone) gently, typically with one's elbow, in order to draw their attention to something.

   synonyms:

   poke, elbow, dig, prod, jog, jab

   • touch or push (something) gently or gradually.

     synonyms:

     touch, bump (against), push (against), run into

   • coax or gently encourage (someone) to do something.

     synonyms:

     prompt, encourage, stimulate, prod, galvanize

   • approach (an age, figure, or level) very closely.

     synonyms:

     approach, near, come close to, be verging on, border on

noun

noun: nudge; plural noun: nudges

1. 1.

   a light touch or push.

   synonyms:

   poke, prod, jog, jab, push, dig (in the ribs)

This blog is an answer to a nudge that I only know

to come from The Lord.

He tried with my previous blog to get my attention,

reestablish a {an immature} relationship.

And it worked.

o·be·di·ent

ōˈbēdēənt/

adjective

adjective: obedient

1. 1.

   complying or willing to comply with orders or requests; submissive to another's will.

   "she was totally obedient to him"

   synonyms:

   compliant, acquiescent, tractable, amenable;

   antonyms:

   disobedient, rebellious

Obedience isn't my strength,
{in fact it is a great weakness!}
however my life's testimony

attests to when I have been obedient,
blessings abound.

Believe me when I say: I have nearly the same number

of testimonies where I have felt that I was obedient - 

and there haven't been blessings in ways
that I had hoped, expected or desired.

bless·ing

ˈblesiNG/

noun

plural noun: blessings

1. 1.

   God's favor and protection.

   synonyms:

   protection, favor

   antonyms:

   condemnation

   • a prayer asking for God's favor and protection.

     
     

I have found that the blessings come when

the attitude of my heart is full of faithful, childlike wonder...

As opposed to the "look what I did" action.

This blog plans on being a reflection of

much deeper and more meaningful relationship with

The Lord, my family and thus myself.

fel·low·ship

ˈfelōˌSHip/

noun

noun: fellowship

1. 1.

   friendly association, esp. with people who share one's interests

   synonyms:

   companionship, companionability, sociability, comradeship,camaraderie, friendship, mutual support;

   • a group of people meeting to pursue a shared interest or aim.

     plural noun: fellowships

     synonyms:

     association, society, club, league, union, guild, affiliation, alliance,fraternity, confraternity, brotherhood, sorority, sodality, benevolent society

To share bits of knowledge on this and that

because we are all here together - 

and meant to live in fellowship with each other.

This is my new blog.

seek

sēk/

verb

gerund or present participle: seeking

1. 1.

   attempt to find (something).

   synonyms:

   search for, try to find, look for, be on the lookout for, be after, hunt for,be in quest of

   • attempt or desire to obtain or achieve (something).

     synonyms:

     try to obtain, work toward, be intent on, aim at/for

   • ask for (something) from someone.

     synonyms:

     ask for, request, solicit, call for, entreat, beg for, petition for, appeal for,apply for, put in for

   • search for and find someone or something.

re·fine·ment

riˈfīnmənt/

noun

noun: refinement

1. 1.

   the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.

   synonyms:

   purification, refining, processing, treatment, treating

   • the improvement or clarification of something by the making of small changes.

     plural noun: refinements

     synonyms:

     improvement, polishing, honing, fine-tuning, touching up, finishing off,revision, editing, reworking

   • cultured elegance in behavior or manner.

     synonyms:

     style, elegance, finesse, polish, sophistication, urbanity;

   • sophisticated and superior good taste.